SPACE

Space

In 2018 my word of the year was Balance. I came upon it easily, and thought about it only occasionally through the year. At the time it felt like I needed it. Due to injury I was absolutely forced to slow down! It was easy to pick that word since it was a requirement if I wanted to be well.

Until yesterday I was feeling out of sorts about a word of the year and resolutions. My yoga practice for January has a themed word for every session and yesterday the word was SPACE. As in, “Take up space. Use your space.” For whatever reason as I stretched and filled up the mat with myself something in me said, “Yes! Space! That’s the word I need.”

At first it was just a little seed of a word-

SPACE

Bopping around in the recesses of my mind, slowly growing. When I whispered the word to myself I pictured my arms and legs flinging wide, breathing in and out deeply with my gut and letting my belly expand.  It was a refreshing and bizarre image to me. As a woman and an introvert it is my nature to do the opposite; to stand back with my arms crossed, shrink down and take up as little space as possible until I am absolutely sure I am safe and comfortable. Safety and comfort don’t take up space. They curl up next to a fire with a warm blanket. Sure, sometimes, especially in the Minnesota winter, that comfort is good, but too much of anything though… you know, balance…

When I think of space I also imagine my son, Iver, at the age of 3. At that sweet age he had no concept of personal space. He was always right on top of us and sometimes it would get to be a bit much for the rest of the family. We’d gently say, “Hey buddy, can you give a little space?” His response? He would shout the word “SPAAaaaacccceee” loudly in a monotone as he pressed in closer. The kindest interpretation I can imagine was he thought he was giving us HIS space.

What does that mean in the context of my year? SPACE for me means:

1. Taking up the space needed to be more, to be BRAVE in word or deed, flinging my arms wide. This will mean trying things I may not be good at right away and not shying away from how that may look.

2. My own version of Iver’s Space: leaning into others for WISDOM (asking permission first) and GIVING my own space to those who need it, especially when I might otherwise choose the comfort of retreat.

Being brave,

seeking wisdom,

giving to others.

I realize those are pretty broad goals. Like the opposite of what efficiency experts might say work best for goal setting, but so what? I’m looking at it all in the same way the word SPACE came to me, first as a seed rattling around and now a new sprout, slow and steady taking up space and growing like it should. If I can refine and hone this concept of space over the course of the next year it’s bound to burst into full bloom.

Making it Worth it-Ragnar Edition

Last night I went to bed knowing the miles ahead of me in the morning (16) and I prayed,

"Dear God, Make it worth it."

This is the point in marathon training when we are all tired. I've seen it and heard it from my friends in training. The miles are long-weekends of 15-20 milers and midweek runs in the double digits at 0 dark thirty. Don't get me wrong, I am SO grateful that I simply have the opportunity and ability to run. I truly know it is a luxury.  Yet by August, by the Make It Worth It month, I miss quiet weekend mornings with my babies and actually feeling rested. And so I NEED to pray, "Make it worth it, Lord. Make these miles mean something beyond me." 

This week smack dab in the center of the Make It Worth It month I am taking on my most difficult running challenge yet. I'll be getting up at 2am on Friday morning to hop in a van with 5 friends and heading to Winona. We will take turns running over 200 miles back to Minneapolis, each running about 36 miles of that journey from 5 am Friday to around 4pm Saturday-that's non stop, run, drive, run, drive, run. I'm overwhelmed. The only way I can sustain through this is to pray,

"Dear God, Make it worth it!"

And, oh, do I want this to be worth it because 1. I like my sleep. 2. I am scared to run in the middle of the night 3. I am, frankly, already and perpetually tired and 4. I need the strength of others to do this.

Here's the thing, I don't run super long distances for the love of the run. I could get that runner's high from running much less than I am right now. (A five mile run is my sweet spot.) The reason I am running is so that others don't have to...so that a 7 year old girl across the world can go to school instead of fetching buckets of water. So that her little brother doesn't get sick, so her mother can be safe. I run so that everyone knows about the water crisis in our world and that we have the power to do something about it! YOU can help make the miles and lack of sleep and sore muscles worth it, and YOU don't have to run a single mile. Here's how:

Will you sponsor one of the legs for Ragnar by donating to Team World Vision? Will you pray for us and for those World Vision serves? I'll be runningFriday at about 9:30am, 4pm, 9pm, and Saturday at about 3:30am, 8:30am, 1:45pm.  Your support will encourage me in the effort and bring clean water for life to a child in need. With that support you will be with me in spirit and prayer through the miles. I can't wait to tell you all about YOUR leg of the run and will try to update Facebook and Instagram as I go.  6 sponsors will mean 6 lives changed! Donate and tell me-what time am I running for you?  Thank you for being a life changer and a light in our world.

Please pray for Team World Vision and please go to my page to give and be a part of the adventure. Thank you!  N.

teamworldvision.org/participant/natalieo

Letting Go

I'm not someone who usually gets sentimental about "stuff", but for at least a year now there has been one thing I've been struggling to let go.  It's not something many would find sentimental, believe it or not, it's a running stroller (actually a BOB Duallie Ironman stroller). I really should have given it up last fall. I pushed the kids on a long run last August and even then I knew they were too big and it was getting too heavy. Anika's knees were bent up to her chest and then splayed down by the front wheel as she squirmed to get comfortable.  It was hard to push with the weight (but a testament to its construction the ride was still smooth). Despite the reduction in speed and the heavy breathing from me we had so much fun getting lost on a new trail and stopping by the lake to play in the sand. Seven slow miles later I was spent and the kids were ready to stretch out.

Summer 2016

They were just too big.

And yet this thing that took up so much precious real estate in our too small garage had a hold on me. I would move it from one spot to the next to get out other more practical items and recall all the trips to the park to visit the ducks, the runs to the coffee shop, the times I got them both to take naps (naps!) while I ran and the freedom it gave us to get around and explore on the long days when it was just the three of us-something that a mom of little ones absolutely craves. I knew even as I moved it aimlessly around our garage that I hung on to it to hang on to the memories.

Last week on my long (solo) run my earbuds died at mile 3 of 13.1 which gave me a lot of time to think. As my mind meandered I came around to the things I was clinging to in this period of transition. The stroller came to mind. I knew it was time to get rid of it and that it was an item that could sell easily. I also knew that based on its value if I sold it at least five people could get clean water for life.  I'm ashamed to say that even with this knowledge I tried to convince myself that I still needed it. It was a hard sell-those two voices in my head and five miles left to run. Honestly, I'm in a stage of life right now where there's a lot of letting go. My youngest is heading off to Kindergarten in the fall and both my kids' independence is bursting forth in a really beautiful way. Life is happening fast. And like a friend said to me, "It's hard to see things change, but they are good changes that are supposed to happen. You'd be worried if they didn't." It took those last few miles for me to finally realize that all the letting go was somehow projected onto an object. In the end I made the smart choice. I let it go. Yesterday I gingerly showed another mom all of its many features, gave it a pat and helped her fold it up into her trunk. I almost waved as she drove off-almost.

And now it's gone, but the memories are still there and still just as sweet. I'm happy someone else can use it to make new memories (or just run). In the end, five more people have the gift of clean water, and with it a new and positive life trajectory, all because I loosened my grip just a little bit.

And that's a beautiful thing. 

If you'd like to help give the gift of clean water and learn more you can do so here. I am prayerfully trusting that we will get halfway to our overall goal of 200 people with clean water for life by the end of June. Right now we are at 77.  You make it possible. Thank you!

In April I Turned 36

 I remember turning 35 last year and feeling, for just a moment, a little weird about it. This year I was more excited about starting fresh than getting older.  I certainly do not feel like a grown up. (Like I mentioned in this Instagram post.) I do, however, feel like birthdays are nice milestones for reviewing and setting goals. I thought I would share these goals with you!  I'm hoping by being honest about them I'll be more likely to follow through on them.

Here are my goals for my 36th year:

• Pray more on my runs. I love doing this for my own faith and for my friends.  I really struggle to sit still and concentrate (right now I'm standing up typing), so running is the best time for me to clear my brain and focus on prayer. One of the great things I've received from running is a renewed prayer life. I will be taking more prayer requests for these runs and I am happy to pray for you.
• Raise $10,000 for Team World Vision. Last year we raised funds for 213 people to have clean water. This year I'm going for 200 (or more), again. My no longer secret goal is to be the catalyst for 500 people to receive clean water through my running and advocacy. I know it is possible and I believe that over this year combined with last year we will get very close to the goal! Together we can make this happen. 
• Beat 4 hours in the marathon (last year was 4:01!!!) I know this is possible if I focus more on my pacing and nutrition.
• Make more art on my own and with the kids and make a plan for more Toddler/Pre-K art classes.
• Be bold about telling my story in writing and in person. Overcome the fear of speaking up and out. I can be a people-pleaser and don't like to rock the boat, I want to change that.
• Listen and learn from my friends.  Be more empathetic.

I'd love to know. Do you set goals at the new year or at your birthday? What are some big goals you have this year?

The Four Lessons I learned from Moms on the Run

Four years ago I anxiously attended my first Moms on the Run class. I had seen an online ad for the group and a new location had just started down the road from my home- it couldn't be more convenient- and yet I sincerely spent two months ruminating over whether or not to join! Now I can't believe that I even gave it a second thought. This is, in fact, a pretty common story when women join MOTR. For some reason we have a hard time believing that we deserve to carve time out for ourselves, and if that doesn't hold us back we are often fearful of not being good enough! I am an introvert and also someone who didn't start running until adulthood, so I was very intimidated, BUT I really wanted runner friends and that trumped my anxiety. In the end it was one of the best things I could have done for myself! I felt welcomed, understood and became fast friends with a great and diverse group of women. (AND after the fantastic coaching and program I became the fastest I've ever been, too!) My first season I learned that RUNNING TOGETHER BONDS YOU TOGETHER.

The next season I was so thrilled to be invited to be a coach. One of the things that I love about Moms on the Run is the opportunity to give back. I learned so much in my first season that I couldn't wait to support my fellow runners in their goals. I loved seeing women gain speed and confidence. I learned in this season that the MORE I GIVE BACK THE MORE I GAIN.

Last season was truly amazing. I took some big risks when I was called to run with Team World Vision and the Twin Cities Marathon and I couldn't have done it without Moms on the Run.

From the very beginning my MOTR crew was with me and understood what running this race really meant, from the physical strain to the importance of providing for women and children in need. My path to running with TWV was solidified at a MOTR breakfast last spring. As I told the women about World Vision, the work they do and also my own hesitations I received nothing but encouragement and positive advice. "Go for it!", they said, "You can do it!" Honestly, I would expect nothing less from this group!

Their generous support came in so many ways and without me ever having to ask for it. Every step of the way I was amazed and encouraged by my friends.

At our season end I received a gift from the group. A shoe tag that reads, "Keep Running. Hebrews 12:1" which says,
"...since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders...And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us"

Every step of my marathon and every time my legs grew heavy when I turn my head down I had my MOTR teammates with me, spurring me on to "Keep Running" this race set out before me.  This season I learned to TRUST IN THE GOODNESS OF OTHERS.

This year I am running Twin Cities Marathon with Team World Vision again. I would not have the confidence to attempt this without Moms on the Run. Doing this again is hard, but I know the MOTR crew has my back! That's why I'm excited to spend more time coaching and spreading the light that was given to me. I'm thrilled that I can help women run new distances and gain confidence. I hope I can give back the belief they had in me and help them know that they are capable of more than they can imagine. If I'm able to encourage them even a fraction of what they've done for me I will be blessed! There are so many women this year taking on new distances, new challenges (hello, RAGNAR!), goals that seemed impossible, but together we will make those goals real. This is the season I'm learning that WE ARE STRONGER TOGETHER.

And because of ALL of this I'm so excited to call myself a Moms on the Run Ambassador. I can't wait to share this season, the hard and the beautiful and all the #motrstrong moments with you!

What I'm listening to on the run

I love a good long run. I often spend at least part of it just listening to my own breath and footfall and enjoying the world around me and when I'm out on the trails I almost never have anything in my earbuds, but out on the road I do crave a distraction.  I listen to music sometimes, but because I love a good story I frequently turn to podcasts and save the tunes for speedwork days when I need the extra push and concentration (check back for that post soon).  If you're looking for something new to get you through your run these are my current podcast favorites.

Two quick side notes: when I'm running, for safety sake, I only ever use one earbud. That way I can still stay aware of my surroundings. I've had too many close calls with distracted drivers, dogs, or just strangers I'd rather avoid. Also, if you are new to podcasts I use the itunes podcast app on my iphone and have also tried the Stitcher app. On to the list!

Pop Culture:

Relevant Podcast: I like to listen to this one for a long run because their podcast can run up to 1.5-2 hours; with a mix of pop culture, music news, humor and longer interviews with musicians and faith leaders I can be entertained for an entire run and then some. My favorite segment is "Slices" where each cast member brings a pop culture news story to share and discuss with the group of 3-5 hosts. Bonus-this podcast comes out on Friday nights so its ready for my weekend run!

The Popcast: For a good laugh and nothing serious, or as hosts Knox and Jamie call it, "the things that delight, but do not matter" the Popcast delves into current pop culture happenings and in-depth discussions on ridiculous topics like: Best and Worst Fictional Neighbors, Roles that Ruined Actors,  The Nos of Love, etc.  My favorite segment is at the end of each episode when each host presents their "Red Lights" and "Green Lights" of the week. Essentially disses and recommendations. This easy on the ears podcast runs about an hour and is pure escapism.

SortaAwesome: Sorta Awesome is a hosted by Megan Tietz and a rotating crew of friends.  Not totally a "mom" pod, but definitely geared toward my demo of the 30-something woman! It delves into different topics of the day from cooking, to books, movies and self improvement. Fun girlfriend geared chat for your ears. Also about an hour.

Other: The Baby Sitters Club Club : totally what it sounds like and also totally not. If you read these books as a young person, it's for you. WTF with Marc Maron : the OG and completely different than any of the rest above. 2 Dope Queens.

News & Politics

The Daily: This podcast from the NY Times provides in-depth reporting on the latest in politics and news of the day. If I feel the need for news I appreciate this straight forward look at current events with host Michael Barbaro. It's about 20 minutes so perfect for a short mid week run.

Pantsuit Politics: This podcast discusses our current politic climate with a good dose of civility. The two hosts, one from the right (Beth) and one from the left (Sarah), take their motto "No shouting. No insults. Plenty of nuance" seriously. They have new episodes on Tuesdays and Fridays and occasional deeper look episodes that tell the history of certain political events, laws and structures.

Other: NPR Politics

Running

Human Race: Human Race from Runner's World magazine provides amazing storytelling. Like its title suggests it consists of all manner of long form human interest stories about runners. Episodes are usually about 30-40 minutes

C-Tolle Run: Olympian and fellow Minnesotan Carrie Tollefson takes you out on the run with amazing names in the running world. From Shalane Flannigan to local runners like newscaster Kelcey Carlson it's all about the love of the run. This is a newer podcast with the twist that Carrie interviews the runners while out on a run, because everyone knows that's when you runner's really open up!

Other Running Podcasts: Another Mother Runner the first running podcast I listened to and made me feel like one of the tribe. Marathon Training Academy

Other:

Reply All: Closer look at technology news that's great for a low tech mom like me. Always informative and fun. The hosts are clever and inviting and the topics are broad but relatable. Can't recommend this enough! I think anyone would enjoy this podcast. I always get sucked in to their "Yes. Yes. No." segment.

Totally Married: Elizabeth and Andy discuss life, marriage and parenthood. It's like sitting down with friends for a chat. They answer listener questions with their "unqualified advice" and keep me smiling.

Other "Other" Podcasts: What Should I Read Next?: this one has drastically increased my "to be read" list.  A Cast of Kings: Recaps of Game of Thrones when it is airing new episodes. (I'm a nerd.)  Criminal: might not be the best thing to listen to if you are jumpy. Lore:  this one is definitely not for the jumpy!

So there you have it! My current list of podcast favorites. Do you listen to podcasts? If so, what are your favorites? What should I check out?

February Running Recap and Looking Forward

111 miles run and clean water for 8! I am truly amazed that we have made a difference in so many lives already!  This month I registered for both the Twin Cities Marathon and the Ragnar Relay-Great River, 200 some miles split between 6 runners in 36ish hour  (my first Ragnar experience! 😳) . I was also able to get a few trail miles in and get out the running stroller. I'm looking forward to March and hitting the trails more in prep for the Trail Mix 25k. Running on trail really has become more meaningful as the experience of being off road holds a closer though still distant connection for me to the experience of the water walk that women and children do every day to gather water  for their families (see source video below). I'm praying for deeper understanding and the ability to relay the need for clean water access more succinctly and powerfully over the coming months. Thank you for your prayerful support of the world's neediest. 

Smashed Up Cars and Broken Hearts

Last night the icy roads took a real toll on our little neighborhood. We live near the intersection of two hills and there's always difficulty when it snows, but tonight was particularly troublesome. Christian dug out one car that slid into a snow bank, took the sand and salt bucket from our driveway and salted our street himself so that several people who were stuck could get up our hill and past our house. We watched more than one vehicle spin 180°. One of them stuck in a bank, we watched in horror as two more cars spun around and crashed into that vehicle. No one was hurt, but my heart was in my throat. Like some of you, I have had my life permanently changed by a split second accident. The repercussions have caused years of anxiety in my life. Five minutes late can spiral quickly and become death in mind, because it has, and while I've become better over the years, that fear is still real to me. I had nightmares from those accidents last night. 

I guess what I'm saying is what am I living for? Where are my priorities? Life is fast and short. God has blessed me, God had given me hard times, but mostly I have an easy life. Physically I have all I need and more, but I still struggle with depression, anxiety and guilt. My life has never been as hard as the people Team World Vision serves, but my heart has been broken and I have a feeling I'm not the only one. Someone reading this is broken in a way similar to me. I know, too, that there are both broken hearts and bodies in communities that need clean water. And I know that we can do something about it. 

Solely having a faith in Jesus has lifted some of my personal burden, but by using that faith in action through service and advocacy I've gained even more freedom. 

Last year I started on a journey that was truly heart healing for me, I ran with Team World Vision and I committed to praying for our team, the people being served through TWV and all of you every week. I'm recommitting to that this year, because part of being made lighter through Christ is accepting his call. I have rarely felt more personally called to action than I have over the last two years to serve in this mission. So I'm asking humbly, with the skeptical heart I can't change on my own, for your prayer and support as we continue working toward change. 

Here's my promise; I'm going to work hard to bring 200 people clean water for life again this year and I am going to pray hard for those people and all of you. Can you help through prayer and donation? 

Thank you for walking alongside, for changing lives and being light in our world.